The Bag Means Your Mind

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Friday, February 16, 2018

Vidalia Times - Article 1

Tesla to Eliminate Range Anxiety with Portable Gas Generators

FREMONT, CA -- In the latest of groundbreaking electric car innovations, Elon Musk announced a new Model 3 trim level that will come equipped with a gas generator. “The biggest complaint we hear from Tesla owners is the worry about batteries running out in the middle of nowhere. Well, worry no longer. Today, I am announcing a new trim level for the Model 3 called the UR or Unlimited Range. No longer will drivers have to plan a trip to the grocery store by making sure there is a Supercharger along the way. Furthermore, this generator will come standard on all cars produced from 2020 forward.”

Musk went on the explain that the generator would be placed in the front trunk area, “Losing the storage up front is a great trade-off for the range extending benefits of the generator.” When asked about possible side effects of the gas-powered generator Musk stated, “There will be some outgassing from the generator, but nothing that isn’t already in the atmosphere. We’ll be running a pipe from the generator to the back of the car so that the outgassing doesn’t obscure the driver’s vision. It will run along the underside of the car out of the driver's vision entirely. We’ve literally thought of everything. We’re even building in a container that will be mounted in the rear trunk to store fuel. It will be accessible from outside through a small hatch eliminating having to open the trunk, and it can be refilled at literally millions of locations nationwide,” Musk beamed. Industry pundits are already speculating that in future models, instead of merely charging the batteries, the generator would be modified to actually drive the wheels eliminating the need for heavy and costly batteries. Musk was typically coy on the rumors. “Let’s just say we’ve got a few things up our sleeves that are going to blow people away in the future.”

#Tesla #Satire

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