I Accept the Nomination

I should start off by saying that I'm not a political person. I mean I care about this country, but at the same time I don't (another topic). So I come before you today to tell you that, as of early this morning, I secured the Republican* nomination to run for President of the United States.

I was overwhelmed. I edged out Bill Clinton 51% to 49%, and I was a write-in when I went to the polls that day. Oh, and if you're concerned that I've begun experimenting with hallucinogens I can tell you that this all happened in an incredibly vivid dream.

Allow me to break down every disjointed and nonsensical moment (that I can remember).

I was at this place. I guess it was a polling place, but it was as if there was only one vote and Republicans from all around the country had to converge on one spot to vote. Like some sort of rally. I suppose it would be as if the Republican National Convention was also a one and done primary of sorts. I don't know. Just run with it.

I find that I'm on the ballot and a picture of me (not unlike the picture you'd upload to a community web site (OK so I'm signed up for on-line dating. Wanna fight about it?). So somehow it's down to me and ol' Bill. Of course it seemed perfectly natural that he was a Republican and would be running for President. You know I'm not even sure that he was President before in my dreamverse.

Anyway the votes are being tallied, and I'm thinking there's a chance. My father is next to me telling me that he hopes I'll pull it out, but that he thinks I'll probably come up short. By the way, my father is normally very supportive in real-life (tm). I'll drowsily pontificate that I was projecting myself onto my father. But there is probably more to it than that.

A guy comes up to make the announcement. All eyes are on him. He starts talking. The anticipation is killing me. I'm thinking, "I can do this. I can win this. Holy crap I could win this! I'm not ready." A big screen behind him displays the results. I win by a slim margin. There is thunderous applause, and everyone starts hugging me.

I won't kid you, it was pretty damn cool.

Suddenly I find myself arriving late to another gathering. This is where the candidacies for both parties are announced. Picture both Conventions happening at the same time in D.C. and after the vote the candidates and supporters converge on one place for a ceremony and party.

I file into the back with my ex-wife (I'm guessing still my wife in the dream), but I barely interacted with her. She was just there. It is standing room only. Some old ladies who are sitting down recognize me and inform me that I shouldn't be standing. They clear a seat for me. I reluctantly sit.

The speech is boring and if I wasn't so elated by my victory I might have been nodding off. Then I started to think about what this nomination meant in terms of my life. Would I have to quit my job to campaign? What dirty secrets were they going to dig up about me in the coming months? Could *I* really be President? I could. I really could.

Suddenly, the ceremony is over and the old lady next to me tells me I should get going.

Indeed.

I wake up before my alarm has a chance to sound. Reality has become surreality and it takes me a full five seconds to realize that I had woken up from a dream. I was disappointed and relieved at the same time. I'm not sure that combination of feelings is possible in the real world.

So what does it all mean? It could be prophetic. Not in the sense that I'm going to be President some day (I won't), but that my world is about to change, and exciting things lay ahead. Or the explanation could be more mundane. I'm waiting for someone to get back to me about my script. I'd sent them the script the day after President's Day and planned to contact them next week after a month. Or maybe it was because I mentioned to friends that someone told me of a documentary where Chris Rock revealed that he wanted to be President early in his life. Or perhaps I was unconsciously recalling e-mails from a group of friends who are more politically active than I. And so on.

Like most things in life, your point of view is crucial. You can choose to believe in things happening for a reason, or things happening through a confluence of random variables aligning for no reason. I've always been a purpose-minded individual, and I'm reminded by a line of dialog from Signs that has stuck with me: "Is it possible that there are no coincidences?"

I don't believe that I'm receiving some message from the cosmos, but I don't discount the power of the human mind, patiently compiling data, having this sort of meta-conscience of its own. I think it's trying to tell me what I know at my core and is obfuscated by layers of uncertainty and self-doubt.

I can do it. I can do this. My life is going to change in exciting and frightening ways. Consider this another in a long line of wake-up calls. Literally.


* I know the large majority of you reading this out there are of the liberal persuasion. Though I won't categorize myself as a Republican, I can only say that the world seems to make most sense through a conservative lens. We all have lenses.